My Castle in the Air.

So I was flipping through photos when I found this one.

I mean, I have absolutely no reason to begin thinking about this now, but this picture made me.

I had no choice.

This is my fantasy as an elderly man.

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I'm (hopefully) going to be that guy at that bench one day.

I'll have my wife of a million years beside me under my arm, looking out at the world and finally be content in stopping. My skin will be weathered and wrinkled and my hair and my eyes blurred, but still blue. People will see life in my wrinkles.

And I will know exactly what love is.

I'll be able to answer my grand children's questions of:

"What did you used to do when you were younger?"

"How did you meet grandma?"

"Grandpa, what do your tattoos mean?"

I'll be a bottomless vat of stories.

And when the time comes to stand before God, when I'm up there shuffling my feet, recollecting how I was planning to explain everything, He'll stop me and tell me I did alright.

The Grand Oil Party.

We went to war with Iraq because they had weapons of mass distruction, which oddly enough were never found or used.

We also went to war with Iraq because of Saddam Hussein. We wanted to protect the Iraqis who were getting thrown into jail and being tortured for speaking out against the government... Quite like China. But we don't invade China, because they pay children 5 cents a week to produce products for America, so that makes them okay.

And let's see... why else did we go to war?

oh yeah, Saddam was an illegitimate leader because he came to power by military coup. Kinda like general Pervez Musharraf did, but since he's the leader of Pakistan, it's cool because they helped us invade Afghanistan.

And the reason we went to fight in Afghanistan was because nineteen men, fifteen of which were Saudi-Arabian, were trained in Afganistan by the Taliban and smashed two planes into the two towers. They were trained by Osama Bin Laden, who was also from Saudi Arabia. But Afghanistan was where that particular training supposedly took place. So that made the whole deal chill.

I'm so sick of this war.

But hey, if all goes well, we'll have more oil and better gas price. A deal of lives is a fair price for a deal of gas.

3466 dead.
25549 wounded.

I support our troops. They're far more brave than I think I could ever be.

It's the one leading that frustrates me.

A tenebrific week into a hopeful one.

It's been a while since the last time I've posted anything of substance. I've been unbelievably busy with theatre and music... so busy that I've kicked God out for literally about a week.

I mean; I've acknowledged his existence, talked to him here and there... but at the end of it all, I suck.

A substantial amount of change is going to happen very soon for me. Granted, I know I've said this before, but It's reached a point of paramount significance. I've been living for Stephen for the past two weeks and I've gotten absolutely nowhere except further from everyone who means something to me.

I've realized this week that when I have too much to do, I block out everyone. Then, when I have time, I look behind me to see if I've run anyone over during my frantic race to get everything done. I hate it because I always find a way to set time a side, and recently I haven't.

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Lots has happened recently.

-Jerry died, which means Lynchburg will be wiped of the media map forever.
-An LU student made several homemade bombs that were to blow up Ben Phelps and his "GOD'S YOUR ENEMY! GOD HATES FAGS! EVERYONE BESIDES US IS GOING TO HELL!" Westboro Baptist Church brigade who were picketing Jerry's funeral. The explosives were found in his car before any damage was done.

(Their whole view irks me. [you can read up on it here http://www.godhatesfags.com/] God hates everyone who isn't a puritan-based Christian like we are. Everyone who doesn't believe in exactly what we do is going to Hell, because we're the only ones who have ever interpreted the Bible correctly.

Somehow, I don't think Jesus died for people he hated, seeing as he pushed the whole 'love-love deal. I also think it soils the entire idea of salvation... I mean, It's wrong to sin, yeah. But if you do, you're alright, cause that's why Jesus died in the first place. But you know what guys, maybe you're right. But come time to stand before the Big Guy, you may wish you had drawn people toward God, not scared them away.

Just a thought.)

-I'm going to be graduating soon. That's a weird feeling. A good one, but a weird one.
-My band House is basically set for shows in the summer, which means I'll be working from 8-4 every weekday, and practicing every other minute after that. (once again, cramming my schedule.)

Guess it's time to stop writing and actually do what I've been intending to do all day.


My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.
(Exodus 33:14)

My Darlin Clementine.

"This is it. It's going to be gone soon."

"I know."

"What do we do?"

"Enjoy it."

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You can never really know how long you have. Ever.

What time we have will be judged by what we did with it, not what we didn't.

Just a thought.

Subway Dreams

I had a dream I was in a metro car, sitting in a seat to the right of the door (the ones with the glass in front you,) and I was writing and drawing on this notepad. I'm not really sure what I was drawing, though I'm not positive it was relevant.

I just kept writing, watching people get on and off. I wasn't getting off, looking for, or even counting the stops until mine... I guess I had no intention of getting off, but just passing the time and riding it around. It was fall I think, because I was wearing jeans, a black pea coat, and fingerless wool gloves, and my hat, of course.

All of a sudden the train stopped inside a tunnel, with only a couple emergency lights lit. The doors opened, and I just left nonchalantly down the tunnel into the dark.

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I keep reading your letters that I haven't responded to. I apologize for not writing, I just never have much to say, and I really hate writing things that I don't think are important.

It's been an quaint few weeks, I'd say.

Musing.

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting
go and holding on

--Henry Ellis

.

Childhood playthings.

Once, I built a fort around the dog house in my back yard to keep out all of the attacking infintry. I held my own with sticks, rocks and homemade slingshots, while calling out to my non-existant troops to "push forward! They're retreating!" I would then kick down the wall I built and charge into the very center of the battle and hack away at my advisaries with my mighty sword that I had drawn from my belt loop sheath.


I never lost a battle, yet the victories never grew dull. I was always so proud of my accomplishment.


These days, my battles are against real infintry, and there's nothing good about my victories.