cloaks

I've been told you take the broken and reconstruct them, but in contrast take the strongest man and break him down til there's nothing but flesh and utter humility.

I hear that you bless the prostitutes, the tax collectors, and the unclean; that you take the most miserable, most pathetic, most unworthy waste of life and you love them. I hear that the blind crawl to your feet to see again, and that the dying are lifted to their feet by grabbing on to your cloak...
that they drag themselves through crowded streets, exposing their every imperfection to grab hold of you, so that they may be fit to see you, fixed by you.
and you healed them.
I'm afraid to do such things only because i feel i wont be able to let go.
to clasp on to my life's hope and purpose would be the most amazing and horrifying thing i would ever experience.
to have faith in such power that proves that there is something good in this hopeless place, and then have that power be proven valid... my elation would be unmeasurable.

but that was then. you used to walk the streets. You'd teach, impress and save... it was so easy. You are no longer tangible. We can't grab onto your cloak... right?

but then... what's a cloak? fabric to cover something better than itself.

if your cloak is out of the question, then I'll grab onto you.

---

and pray I'll be to afraid to let go.

Trains and a thought process.

Trains.
Travel.
Map.
Roadtrip.
Aviators.
Sunlight.
Ocean.
Surfing.
Wax Burn.
Rest.
Sunday.
Worship.
Him.
You.
Sorry.
Forgive?
Regret?
Never.
Forever.
Promise.
Broken.
Mirror.
Discontent.
Dispondency.
Distance.
Compass.
Lost.
Wilderness.
Hatchet.
Flannel.
Warmth.
Home.
Safe.
Routine.
Monotony.
Boredom.
School.
Exams.
Coffee.
Relaxation.
Sunshine.
Moonshine.
Illegal.
Rebellion.
March.
Month.
New Year.
Resolutions.
Failure.
Bush.
America.
Freedom.
Counrty.
Manifest.
Railroad.
Trains.

Follow?

What else was there to do but smile?

The two sat on top of his car, both in an utter daze. Anxiety had set in about 5 hours ago, but all the worry eventually led to numbness. His back was on the hood of his '87 Toyota and his eyes were set on the orange-red clouds above his head. She had her knees pulled to her chest and was looking down at the city below them. They didn't come home the night before. It would've been nonsensical to do so, the thought of sleep wouldn't have crossed their minds.

They hadn't spoken in about a half hour. They had prayed, cried, and mused to extent their bodies could take. Now it had become a matter of rest and waiting.

He closed his eyes and managed to smile... perhaps out of stark submission to the situation. What else was there to do but smile?

She looked at him and said half-smiling and asked, "Any good news?"

"Well, I'm going on twenty-four hours without sleep, i haven't showered, I'm going to be a father in nine months, and I'm most likely to be excommunicated... and i just got hit with an absurd epiphany. Now how I came to this conclusion, I couldn't begin to fathom... but somehow, I'm positive that two cups of coffee and a sunrise might take our minds off of the fact that we've completely demolished our chances of ever being perceived as reputable human beings."

"That was a lot of big words for you. I'm impressed."

"Eh, I've had a good 5 hours to think about it." She smiled. "So? You, me, some coffee?"

"Yeah... yeah I think that would help."

They didn't move. They kept their eyes fixed on the sky.

"What do you think of the name Emory?" she asked.

"Isn't that a band?" she smiled again. "I like it."

Rambles

[I find it frustrating that i can't speak well at all. I never find the words i want to say, and I more than occasionally don't make coherent sentences.

I also it find irritating that i can have an amazing assiduity when working on something i like doing, like typing this now or playing music, but i can never pull that attention and discipline out of me when i need to study or do anything else constructive.]


[Attention Deficit Disorder. With it, I suck at school.

Without it, I suck at life.

One unfortunately can lead to another. So I'm trying to find a happy median, and medication is out of the question.]


[I feel like I'm intellectually inferior. To trump this, i learn a new word every day. And also learn something about history and music. That may seem ridiculous, and it probably is. But i don't mind. Ridiculous works for me.]

[Some will seek forgiveness, others escape.]




I'm happy with life. I don't know why, but for some reason i feel like everything is going to fall exquisitely into place.

And what's great about this whole situation is that i have absolutely no control over it...

and frankly, that's perfect. I'm glad to sit in the passenger seat for a while.