I'm gonna buy a gun and start a war... if you can tell me something worth fighting for.
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Lately I've been asking myself what I'm doing this for. This whole life deal. I Initially said "I'm living for Christ," but that was pretty much a lie. I'm living for myself and dragging God along for my own benefit. Listening to Him when he's practiacally screaming at me, and praying when I suck and need help.
Truth be told, I feel as though I'm suppose to be undergoing some titanic change, but I'm missing my directions to do so because I'm so wrapped up with the rest of my life.
I'm not really positive as to why I'm posting this, but I will.
Take it as you will. Perhaps you're in the same place I am.
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3 think:
how about definitely in the same place as you are?
last week, i heard "Listen." i've been doing my best since. the problem is, "my best" has been simultaneously invested in every other area.
when i do focus on listening, i leave discouraged because i don't know what it sounds like. i don't know the extent of my mind's influence. yeah. i need some major direction.
i go through each day with a part of a verse of a chapter of a book of the bible in my head.
"this too shall pass".
the only thing that gets me is that though this statement usually leaves me feeling at peace, lately it has left me in complete confusion.
i started to ask questions, something i do with every aspect of my life...
what is "this"? when did "too" pass? is "shall" a defintie? and if "this" does "pass", will i know?
and then all at once i am filled with total sorrow... why cant there ever be answers to these questions that come to me on a minute basis?
i figure, in life there are too many "ifs" and too many outcomes that are possible for us to ever be content.
to be content is to be dead because being content is only momentary and death is forever.
that is the very reason why change is inevitable and no one should atempt to determine the future.
you will always fall short and end up disapointed with the outcome because you cant get the "what ifs" out of your head.
do you follow?
dont go through your life thinking that change needs to happen. it will, and it does, without you even thinking about it.
and if you keep asking for change as much as i used to, its going to run up and knock you right off your feet and leave you broken, bruised, and scared.
leave it alone stephen.
life is too short to concentrate on something that is always going to happen, and thinking that it needs to...thats craziness.
it will, the only thing that we have to worry about is making up our minds to focus on the good.
dwell on the bad for a moment but then walk away and leave it in that moment...take the good with you, always.
and WRITE ABOUT IT!
It's not a place I reside in right now, but it's a place where I've passed many a year. It never gets easier, but it does get better. I promise.
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